So I’ve been creatively scribbling stuff on my journal with my G-tech and Artline pens these days, and I’m kinda loving the beautiful mess my journal has become. It’s a lot of effort though, being limited to these pen tools, as I have to go over each letter and double-stroke my downstrokes each time. Still, I love that I’m excited about something artsy/crafty again.
On another note, God has been teaching me a lot these days about being calm, gentle, and graceful under pressure; and being contented and selfless in making choices. You know, stuff that great mothers are made of. And it’s terrifying because it doesn’t feel like a long time ago when I was the baby of the house, and everyone attended to my needs, and all I had to think about is myself. I was always restless—my feet always needing to go somewhere, my mind wandering far and wide, my hand itching to book plane tickets or swipe my credit card to buy something I already have a dozen of.
But now that my 5-month old belly is growing bigger and bigger each week, and my husband and I are crossing the 1-year mark as a married couple, I find myself learning more and more to put other people’s lives on top of my own.
Most of all, I’m learning to let go of old dreams to make room for these new ones.
I sometimes worry about what kind of mother I’m going to be like. I do know what kind of mother I DON’T want to be, I think that one’s easier to figure out. But when I think about the kind of mother I want to be and how far I am from being that person, I panic like you have no idea.
This morning, this passage popped up from the pages of my Bible, and I think I’ll be mulling over these words for the next couple of days:
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. (Proverbs 3:3)
Love and faithfulness, that’s it! As for becoming the best Mommy I can be, I think love and faithfulness is exactly where I have to start.