We’re on Day 15 of our 21 Day Prayer and Fasting, and at this point I’m feeling very weak and tempted to devour the chocolates in the ref already! Chocolates and sweets are my greatest weakness, so are my worries and fears, so I decided to give those up along with food, taking only juices and soup, in order to hear God’s voice clearer during these 21 days.
And you know what? It feels good to be vulnerable. To be stripped off these things that give me comfort (yes, worrying comforts me the same way chocolates do) and allow God to speak to me and mold me during this time of inconvenience.
The lyrics of this song captures the prayer of my heart this 2014. Every now and then this song would play in my mind, and I’m immediately brought to a place of rest and profound assurance.
Oceans by Hillsong. Listen. You’ll love it, promise.
To be truly honest, I’m not sure if I ever stopped being a coward. I may have taken bigger leaps and bolder steps these past couple of years, but sometimes it feels like the coward in me is still lurking somewhere inside my chest ready to jump out every time I’m on a crossroad.
And yet, here I am, committing myself to a life of passion this year, something I couldn’t possibly live up to unless I let go of my fears and stop being a coward.
God is teaching me to let Him be God
You see, we thought we got pregnant at the start of this year. My period was 3 days delayed, and 3 days may sound a little too paranoid for you, but not to us. I never miss my period. Never. It always comes on the dot, and the last time I missed it, we found out the very next day that I was pregnant.
That’s not to say that we don’t want another baby (babies!), we actually do. It’s just that, we don’t feel like we’re ready at the moment. We worry about the financial, physical, and emotional preparations we have to go through, to think we haven’t fully recovered yet from birthing twins. We decided to wait maybe another year before having baby #3.
I know that may be too much info to divulge, but I find the need to share an important lesson that took me about 72 hours of delayed menstruation to learn. I needed to learn to let Him be God. To allow Him to hold my timetable, and to leave it to Him to decide whether I’m ready for another pregnancy or not. My readiness is not my call but His; my job is to simply trust that He knows what He’s doing and His timing is perfect.
Long story short, I got my period the following day. My husband and I sighed in relief not because I wasn’t pregnant, nope, but because I knew that I got the lesson I needed to learn.
15 Days down, 6 More to Go
We’re sprinting towards the finish line of our 21 Day Prayer and Fasting. A part of me does not want this to end yet, but the other half of me is excited to celebrate milestones and answered prayers, and to receive clarity on important decisions we have to make as a family this year. God is going to make things happen in my life this 2014, and I’m confident that He will make me stronger and wiser in the process.