Marking this experience in this blog, before it becomes a distant memory.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.”
Whoever said that child birth is such a beautiful experience has set my expectations up too high. In my experience, the only moment that was beautiful about it was when I heard Dawn & Rain’s first cries—Rain first, and 2 minutes later, Dawn. The rest of it was like a nightmare (or a bad horror movie!) that I just wanted over and done with, and now I’m glad was over.
What should have been my weekly OB check-up led to an emergency confinement starting Saturday, October 20. I was having contractions and my cervix was open 2 cm. I was so huge I could hardly breathe. I stayed in the labor room for days, away from my husband and family who could only come see me during meals.
I was only on my 34th week and therefore had to stop contracting (it wasn’t time!). The babies needed steroids for lung development in case I needed to go into c-section earlier than expected. Which is exactly what happened. As soon as I reached my 35th week, my OB decided it was time.
Which part of the whole birthing experience was beautiful again?
The part that was blurry
It was bloody, scary, painful, uncomfortable. I felt like a frog being dissected like a Science experiment. The epidural, the scalpel, the doctors in scrubs, the smell of blood and alcohol, the numbing sensation from the anesthesia—it was the scariest ride of my life!
But then there was that moment, when I finally heard Dawn and Rain breathe their first breaths. Tiny little cries filled the room two minutes apart at 12:06AM and 12:08AM of October 24.
It was the most beautiful thing—perhaps the only beautiful thing—about this childbirth.
My babies, whose moves I knew so well when they were inside of me, I finally heard them cry for the first time! Love and relief overflowed within me, and I reckon this is one of those moments mothers can truly say, “it was all worth it.”
Needless to say, there were a lot of tears when I finally carried Dawn in my arms, and when Rain first held on to my finger.
They’re sooo beautiful.
Yes, yes! A hundred times yes. They are worth all of it.
I was discharged from the hospital 4 days later but Dawn & Rain had to stay in their incubators. Rain came out 4.6 lbs and Dawn, 4.9 lbs. That’s a good weight for twins, but they still came out 2 weeks short. Everyday we drop by to pump milk and check on the girls.
On the upside, I was able to recover a bit before I finally attacked the world of motherhood. First few days back home was a challenge; I felt weak, and tired, and the wound was just too painful! I can’t imagine being able to take care of two babies like that.
Learning to stand on my own took some time, too. Family and friends are in and out of the house to bring us food in microwavable containers and to help us with errands.
Home sweet home
Shortly after, on October 31, Dawn and Rain were cleared to go home. And home we went.
God and His grand scheme of things, what can I say? Praise Him for His perfect timing, and for being Who He says He is.
When I thought I wasn’t prepared enough, He filled in the gap. When I couldn’t stand on my own, He gave me hands to hold on to. When I was held in solitary confinement in the labor room, away from my husband and my family, He was the one who was with me every second of the way.
My birthing experience may not be my most favorite experience in the world, but having Dawn & Rain now, safe and healthy and absolutely beautiful, sure makes it all worth it.
I sought the Lord.
Just as He said He would.