About 6 years ago, I wrote this on my blog:
May 9, 2005
Last Wednesday, I took one step of faith towards something that is truly impossible as far as my limited comprehension can conceive. I am itching to disclose the whole story of how God made me take these leaps of faith, but the details are too overwhelming as of the moment, words may not be enough to justify them.
I don’t know a lot of things, but God’s messages the past weeks are too strong, and the things that are happening right before my eyes are too great, I feel as if He’s given me every reason to trust and believe that He is doing something beyond anything I could ever think of. There’s no more turning back, no more running away, no more excuses, no more fears. I believe He shall accomplish whatever He wills to do, whatever that may be.
So in full recognition that I can only go as far as He would allow me to go, I’m spreading my wings and letting Him carry me wherever He wills. c”,)
Hey, I sounded just like.. me!! :)
I was praying to go to Hillsong Conference at that time (a desire that was planted in my heart through my cousin, Ate Dots, starting October 2004). I’ve always wanted to go and I filled my journals in college with prayers and musings and leaps of faith towards chasing after that one dream.
On that very day I posted that blog above, the story that I didn’t want to disclose was this: *Wait for it..* Someone gave me P1,000 as a birthday gift (Thank you, Lola, I hope you can read this now), and I was so elated because it was more than the amount I needed to apply for *wait for it* …a passport! :,) Haha, such a feat for a fresh graduate who had big dreams but didn’t have ANYTHING AT ALL –no money, not a job, not even the prospect of a job.
It’s making me tear up now thinking about how real that experience was to me and how BIG of an answered prayer 1,000 pesos was for that girl who didn’t have anything. Amazing how far God has brought me since then, indeed. :)
Go ahead, continue reading my excitement:
May 20, 2005
Last Saturday, my passport was delivered to me. How it happened and the events that lead me into finally applying for one were too overwhelming, you have to see me re-tell the story live. “Be ready just in case God decides to open doors,” someone told me. So I took that one leap of faith, applied for a passport, and true enough, God sent to me people who journeyed with me every step of the way.
Last weekend, I attended Ian and Lucy Fisher’s Praise and Worship workshop at Jesus Reigns Ministries at Taft Avenue. On June 11, Reuben Morgan is coming over for a workshop and a concert (Hillsong United, YEAH!). Hillsong people are all over Manila! And although I know God’s plan is massive, I’d like to believe that His plan included bringing Hillsong right to my reach.
I’m no longer doubtful why God is allowing Hillsong to happen in my life now. I told Him I want to be the best praise and worship leader I could be for Him, and already, He’s granted every prayer, every concern I laid down at His feet. I’m no longer afraid of being disappointed if I wont make it there this year either, because as it is now, God has revealed Himself in ways I never imagined before. What’s happening now—getting a passport, Hillsong happening in Manila, and the countless of lessons in having faith and trusting Him—is already an answered prayer in itself.
Often, I find myself holding my passport in my hands, smiling as I stare at my ID picture which is beaming right back at me, and thanking God for those days my prayers happened right before my eyes. I browse through the empty pages, believing that some time in the next five years, I’m going to have an Australian visa stamped right on its pages. And after a few minutes of enjoying the feel of its (synthetic) leather cover and its smooth pages on my hands, I close my passport and put it in an empty box that I know will soon be filled with memories of more dreams and answered prayers. ;)
God took me this far. And I believe He’s taking me farther as He wills.
Meh, I’m literally crying and laughing right now as I read that last blog. Oh how I wish I could hug that little girl, that younger version of me, who dreamt big dreams! And oh how awesome is God who’s the same YESTERDAY, TODAY and TOMORROW!
Sure, God didn’t bring me to Hillsong that very year. Not even the next year, or the next. 2005. 2006. 2007. You can just imagine how, everytime July came by each year, on the dates that the Hillsong Conference was happening in Sydney, I would lock myself up in my room with my guitar, singing praises to Him and imagining myself worshiping in Australia, and claiming THAT one dream. Twice I registered (one of those times with David). We paid for registration, our conference passes were mailed to us, but still weren’t able to go.
In October 2008, however, just in time before that passport expired, God finally brought me to Hillsong Church. ;) I didn’t get to attend the Conference I was aiming for, but I was able to attend one Sisterhood night.
It’s a milestone that I keep looking back to, a success story I draw strength from everytime I start feeling impatient waiting for God’s answers to my prayers, an experience that inspires me now to keep dreaming big dreams for God, my “stone of remembrance”.
Today from ODB:
God felt that the Israelites needed a reminder of an amazing event in their lives. Although the Jordan River had been at flood stage, the Israelites had been able to cross over on dry ground because God had stopped the water from flowing (Josh. 3:13-17). Something similar had happened years before in an escape from Egypt (see Ex. 14:21-31). On this occasion, however, God instructed His people to build a memorial of stones so that in the future when children would ask about the stones, parents could remind them of the mighty hand of God (Josh. 4:23-24).
As God continually cared for the Israelites, He continues to provide for us today. What “stones of remembrance” will you use to remind your children, grandchildren—and even yourself—of the evidence of God’s might?
I find it amusing reading old blogs and journals–they are, in some way, my little “stones of remembrace”. Sometimes, reading my journals feels like reading through someone else’s life, it’s like, borderline schizophrenic. :)
Looking back, how awesome is it that I could have written those very words above now, six years after, and they would’ve still applied to my current circumstances. God is still doing the very same things in my life–surprising me with His messages, ovewhelming me with the things happening around me, redirecting my path because His plans are better than mine, and reminding me of past victories and dreams He’s fulfilled in this life of mine.
Today I’m going to start dreaming even bigger dreams and collecting “stones of remembrance” I can pass on to my children, and the generations after me. Today I acknowledge that because God has been faithful in granting big and small dreams in my life, I could, with conviction, be instrumental in encouraging YOU to keep chasing your dreams! ;)