And there it was, the answer to the same question that’s been eating me up the past couple of weeks, and oftentimes making me feel guilty: Is it wrong to be disappointed, and hurt, about what God is doing in my life?
Philip Yancey hit the nail hard in the head with this email (emphasis mine):
It is my firm belief and personal experience that God does not want us to turn into automatons when we decide to follow him. I believe God wants us to come to him with our whole heart, soul and mind, not leaving anything of ourselves stuffed in a closet or relegated to the back shelf. Therefore, we will bring the struggles of our will vs. his will to the relationship with God, just as in any other relationship. I can think of numerous examples in the Bible where this was true, and the person involved was disappointed but chose to accept God’s will over his own. Think of Paul and his thorn in the flesh. Or of David, longing and pleading for his and Bathsheba’s son not to die. Or Abraham and Sarah wanting a child before they were old and gray. We can go on on and on with the examples of deferred gratification in favor of God’s best. The best response to your question is to recommend the book of Psalms: it’s full of disappointment, even anger, yet has been the believers’ prayer book through the centuries. That says it well, I think.
Over and over again I come face to face with the undeniable truth that trusting God means being ready for whatever His will is, whether it’s exactly as you prayed for or something totally the opposite.
It’s a recurring lesson we have to keep learning. And I’m really just thankful that we have a patient God who doesn’t mind us crying and whining and asking Him questions, until we find ourselves on our knees, in complete surrender, fully convinced that there really is no other place we’d rather be but right where He wants us to be.
So hey, I’m not saying I’m glad my disappointments are justified. I’m saying I thank God that His ways are higher than our ways, that He allows us to break sometimes, but that no amount of disappointment or heartache can ever bend His sovereign will in our lives.