Tag: defining moments

Chasing Dreams, Year 3: What I was doing exactly a year ago

Rhiza1 Comment

I’ve been blogging for almost a decade now, but it’s only been 3 years since I registered Chasingdreams.net and made a permenant residence in this space. I’ve jumped from one domain name to another all these years, and from various blogging platforms too, but I’m happy to report that I think I’m staying here for the long haul. :)

And yes, I’ve been practicing.

It’s always good to celebrate milestones, yeah? And since we’re halfway through the year, I thought it’s time to mark June and July in my blog calendar too. For this purpose, let me answer this question my husband and I had fun asking ourselves as Year 2012 was about to begin:

What were you doing exactly this time last year?

My answer: Holding our breath and being blown away by how God was answering our prayers one by one, is what we were doing exactly a year ago.

Thank you, Facebook timeline, for making my trip down the memory lane a breeze. I smiled and laughed as I browsed through my Facebook posts from June and July of 2011, and how full those months were. A new job, two months to prepare for a wedding, family gatherings and bridal showers in between long days at work, David coming back to the Philippines after more than 10 years living in New York, answered prayers here and there.

The days were so full, in fact, I only blogged once during that period, admitting that I was at the end of my strength. There was just too much happening that time I can’t remember now how God managed to pull it all off, but myy, did He pull it off so awesome-ly.

Looking back, I honestly don’t think I want to do those months over again! It’s the kind of feat that’s meant to happen only once in a life’s journey, I guess that’s why people are supposed to get married just once their whole lives. No, really.

Today I share the joy (and the stress, hah!) of my friends and loved ones who are  taking the highway to marital bliss these coming months. Jasper and Darlene. Kuya TJ and Tracy. Kat and Ish. Ivy and Angel. Robert and Tin. Jody and Vince. I’m rooting for you, guys! It’s an exciting adventure, challenging yet fulfilling, stressful but worth it. There won’t be butterflies and unicorns all over the place, you may even have to make difficult choices and go through heartbreaking situations, but trust me.. the best is still yet to come.

So yay, it’s been a year since our own pre-wedding adventure, and it’s been 3 years since www.chasingdreams.net started to exist. I think I’m getting myself a Banoffee Pie and a Grande cup of chilled milk to celebrate. :)

No More Denying, I’m a Coward

Rhiza23 Comments

I’m still not done pondering about last Friday night’s trip to Cubao-X. I don’t know what happened to me there, but somewhere in the middle of looking through the glass window displays of those boutiques that already closed for the day, and being in Vintage Pop as it closed its doors for good, I realized something about myself that I’ve been trying so hard to deny for a while now.

I’m a coward.

Photo credit:creampuff.tumblr.com

It sucks, being thought of as successful in what I’m doing, but really, I feel so far behind. I’m too attached to my comfort zone, and it’s sad, because I know that I could do so much more.

Lately, I would try to absorb as much words of wisdom and inspiration from random strangers, thinking that I need all the courage-booster I could get for when it’s time for me to take the leap. But often, instead of being inspired to be better and to do something about this wealth of knowledge I’m exposed to everyday, I feel frustrated instead. Why can’t I just do it? What am I waiting for? What am I still doing here? Why can’t I just take the leap into the unknown? Why why why?

Questions, questions. I have lots of them.

I hate that about myself — having too many questions all the time. Must be rooted to my pessimism. Yep, that’s me, pessimistic to the very core. My natural instinct is to see imperfection in things. Show me a beautiful picture and I promise you, I’d see something wrong about it. Offer me a brilliant opportunity, and I’d see complications, and problems that might arise, and unimportant reasons why it would fail. Put me under pressure, and the best solution I could think of is to back out.

I’m not sure when I started to become like this. I wasn’t like this. In the words of a former boss, “Cynicism is not your thing. You’re sunshine, you’re guitar music. But cynic, you are not.” I remember feeling insulted by those words before, but now, tell me I’m that and I’d be, if anything, proud of myself. At this point, I’m a coward hiding behind my sunshiney, I’m doing-exactly-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life, oh-hai-I’m-going-to-chase-my-dreams mask.

Today, I arrive at the conclusion that if I stay a coward like this, I will surely fail. But I don’t want to fail! Which perhaps makes me more of a coward. (No wait, chicken or egg? I got lost, too.)

I may be pessimistic alright, but my Dad used to tell me that I can be very passionate about some things too, if only I would put my head and my heart into it. So in honor of my Dad’s perception of me, I promise myself to be better.

Notes-to-self to start the week, maybe you’ll need them too:

It’s not too late to start again somewhere. Bong Salaviera, the owner of Vintage Pop whom I had the wonderful opportunity of meeting last Friday, is migrating to Canada with his family next month. Along with this comes the difficult decision of closing down his lovely store. Just when he’s already established something remarkable, he’s got to leave everything behind and start from scratch in an unknown place and culture without a clue how to do it. He’s in his late-thirties or early-forties. And here I am, at 26, frantic about my career, and my life, and what direction I should take. Stop worrying, Riz.

Stick with what you love to do. One of the things I learned in the 5-years that I was a corporate slave is, I can only excel in what I love doing. When you start to feel like you just have to endure being there, then that’s the time to go, no more prolonging the agony. There’s gotta be something in the job (more than the income) that’s worth being there for. At this point in my life, I have pretty much imagined what kind of ventures I’d like to invest my time and money in. While there are a bunch of opportunities out there — some seems more profitable than the others — you have to choose that one opportunity that makes your heart flutter. It just won’t work without passion, and love. Bank in on love, Riz.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Admitting that I am a coward, I’m starting to feel good about myself already. Acceptance is always the first step, anyway, and now, I’ve accepted the grim reality why I’m stuck where I am. See, I’m making progress already. It’s okay to fail, Riz. That only means you tried.

*Photo credit: Creampuff.tumblr.com