+ I hate it when I struggle for days trying to gather my thoughts and translate them into words and sentences, and then later on, reading about what’s going on in my head in other people’s blogs. YouknowwhatI’msaying? On the upside, now I only have to link to them and exclaim, “that’s what I thought!”

+ I was reading Ala Parades’ tumblr post, Let The Right One In, and this one word came to my mind as I finished off reading: Ahhh, VINDICATION. I mean, sure, Ala’s just another girl, and one can always say that this may not be the case for everyone, but it made me sigh in relief to know that hey, I’m not alone in wanting to feel needed. I’m not psycho, hooray! Admittedly though, (unlike Mae), I’m kind of the extreme version of that type of girl. The kind who, when in a relationship, lets the other person in too much too soon that she loses herself early in the process. Sure, I can take care of myself, I can easily adapt to whatever comes my way, and I have countless of dreams up my sleeve that I thought I can do without any help from anyone, more so from a potential boyfriend. But once in a relationship, I easily lose my grip on these things, carelessly let my guard down and just totally lose myself to the other person, which sucks, because when I start to realize that the other person does not really need me the same way, or that we’re not in the same page after all, then I start needing more, and well, everything’s just downhill from there.

I think I figured out what’s wrong in the equation. It’s not wrong to want to feel needed, or to expect your partner to need you in his life, or to lose yourself in him — those are, in fact, essential in relationships. I think what I missed out on is knowing/meeting/finding the right person to let in, the operative word being “right”, because letting one wrong person after another in is no good either.

+ I wish I have Ate Stef’s courage, sharing her breakup experience like that. I remember blogging something similar way back in 2007, and well, things like this amaze me. How easy it is to connect with people who share the same experience, and sometimes even with your 23-year old self. Break-ups may be ugly (I hate them, I don’t ever want to feel that sadness ever again) but, just as I blogged 3 years ago, I still believe that going through a break-up is one of the most (if not the most) liberating, life-altering experiences one can ever go through. It comes with the simple fact that when God allows something to end, it’s only because something else is bound to begin. And that’s kinda the part I love about break-ups. And whut, did I just use “love” and “break-up” all in one sentence?

+ My brother cooked his specialty Chicken Enchilada Sunday night and gee, as I munched on a plateful of that yummy stuff, I kept thinking, where did my brother learn to cook like that? Sure, he must have inherited his cooking instincts from my mother and my grandmother, who are awesome cooks by the way, but ohhh how I feel cheated! I mean, I’m the only girl among the siblings, and I seriously believe that I should be the rightful inheritor of any of their culinary skills, not my brother! I’m sometimes disappointed with the stagnancy of this life, I feel like I’m not getting anywhere! My friend Trisha, who’s in Sydney, used to just blog about random, girly, PMS-y stuff like I do, but now, her escapades to the culinary world are just WHOA. It’s awesome how her blog, Sugarlace.com in case you missed the link, has become a venue for some serious honest-to-goodness domestication. And I, meanwhile, am still blogging about nonsensical emo stuff. I am so envious. I have got to find something I can excel in. Maybe not cooking, but something. Anything!

New York, care free days, and blue skies.

Someone please give me an excuse to go back and see New York again.

I did cry, when you and Mae left me at Changi airport that day for my early morning flight back home. I know it looked like I just laughed my way through it while you cried all over the place (haha), but well, you know how I like pretending to be tough sometimes. (Of course you know.)

So yeah, it was just for a moment, when you and Mae disappeared around the corner, and it dawned on me how I didn’t even know when I’d see you two again next, that I started wiping away a batch of tears. (These Filipinas, what a bunch of crybabies, LOL.)

But heyy, it’s your birthday today, and I’m posting this photo of us because I kinda like how happy you looked here, headset and all. I still remember how happy you were when this photo was taken. We were at a friend’s wedding and you were running here and there keeping everything together. I’ve never seen your eyes twinkle the way they do when you’re coordinating events and weddings, and I really believe in my heart that someday, you’ll get to do that again. :)

So don’t be too sad now, okay? Think Jeremiah 29:11 when you feel like you’re starting to lose it. You may not be a-phonecall-and-30-minutes away from me anymore, but I kinda feel like we won’t have to be too far apart for too long. (Destination New York?) ;)

Happy birthday, Ivy! I thank God for letting me be a part of your life, and you a part of mine.

Love always,
Riz

Summer is here, I can hear Donna Summer singing in the background again.

The past weekend was life-changing. I got to unwind and chillax with the bestest best friends in the world, and we parted knowing that things are never gonna be the same again in a melodramatic but exciting sort of way. What a way to start summer, yeah? :) (And what a way to start another chapter in our lives.)

Gone are my dark and twisted days. I think I’m starting to fall in love with life again. :)

2009 for me was a year of failed attempts in the travel department. 2008 had a couple of missed flights too, but at least it was the year when New York and Sydney happened, and surely, when two of your dream destinations happened in a period of 2 months, it simply trumps the stack of unused plane tickets you accumulated the whole year, right? But when you booked tickets almost every time Cebu Pacific launched an International Seat Sale and the whole year passed and you didn’t get to use every single one of them because of reasons beyond your control, then that’s a different sob story altogether.

Sadly, this photograph was the closest I’ve ever been out-of-the-country last year. I was off to Bangkok with Joni and Romela but as we checked our bags in, I came face-to-face with one of the most devastating news in all my history of travel: Sorry Miss, we can’t let you fly out, so go home and start unpacking your clothes. My passport was expiring in 5 months and 3 weeks that time, and okaaay, I kinda knew that it was expiring, but I wasn’t aware that the 6-month rule applies to Asian countries too.

Dude. I know. At least I got to experience the airport huh.

Prior to that failed Bangkok flight, I missed a Hong Kong trip with Mae and Joni (why hello Joni, it’s you again) because *cough* I happened to have acquired a disease that was too sensationalized I was sent off to solitary confinement for 2 weeks, I mean, come on, universe, are you serious?, there are 365 days in a year and you chose this weekend of all weekends for me to come down with The Flu, how freaky coincidental is that? *cough*

There were more missed flights, but those two I mentioned were the best ones. (Or worst ones, whatever.)

Cruel. Cruel was the year 2009. It’s one of those years you don’t ever want to replay over because you don’t want to be reminded of all those wasted plane tickets.

Hence I made it my personal goal to make things right this year. Chase dreams. Fly. See places. Be a ridiculously happy traveler. Fall in love in a foreign place. Fall in love with a foreign place. Get lost in a foreign place.

Oh, and NOT waste a single plane ticket again, EVER.

And hey, I know there will always be circumstances I won’t have control over, but I also know that I’m one year older and wiser now. You see, it’s just not possible to come out of a year like 2009 and not be a better person — hats off to God for making awesome things out of, well, years like 2009. And given that I’m, I believe, *ehem* a better version of myself now, I’m pretty confident that I have better judgment and wisdom to know which tickets to invest in and which are not worth wasting time and money over. (Send in your truckloads of grace, Lord. Bring it on!)

Brighter days ahead, I can see it now. This year is going to be great.

And yes, I’m really just talking about plane tickets, okay, gimme a break. c”,)