I’ve been waaaay behind in my 52 Weeks Project, I hate it when I have to play catch up! So.. coming up this week is one giant post with all the weeks that I missed, along with a promise to myself that I will be more diligent in posting the twins’ photographs weekly in this blog. (As if posting daily instagrams of them is not diligent enough.)

That’s what I feel in general these days. I take way too many photographs and videos, and yet they’re never enough. I want to preserve every single moment, every smile, chuckle, squeal.. but no memory keeping device is powerful enough to justify the growing lives that we witness with our very eyes every single day!

Obviously, the twins have grown a lot from when these photos were taken. And I, am in constant awe. Huhu my babies are growing too fast :((

10/52, A Year of Dawn & Rain | Week of  April 28-May 4
Portraits of my children, once a week, every week in 2013

Sadly, saying goodbye doesn’t work that way.

No matter how many times you had to watch a person leave, the process just doesn’t get easier. And no matter how many times you said “good bye” in the past, the next time breaks your heart worse than the last.

Few weeks ago, our friend Robert (the guy I was talking about in this post) left the Philippines to be with his wife in London. I’ve gotten so used to having him around all the time—knocking on our door in his pambahay and unbrushed hair (sometimes unbrushed teeth! lol) as if our house is an extension of his living room. He’s the “older brother I never had” as I would always tell him, and when my husband was adjusting to life back here in Manila, he was one of his first few friends.

And suddenly he’s gone.

Last week, another friend Joana (one of the girls I was talking about in this post) left the Philippines to migrate to California with her family. I’ve always wanted to have a sister, I guess that’s why I channeled all of that energy to girlfriends like J. She’s my prayer partner for years, she’s one of my bridesmaids, a part of my cell group, my nephew’s godmother, and now she’s my daughters’ godmother too—that’s just about the list of titles she’s claimed in my life.

And now she’s gone.

Tl;dr. In a span of a month, two people who are huge parts of my life left for good, taking pieces of me with them, and I’ve been struggling with their (physical) absence and the finality of their departures since.

But how can I not be happy for them? 

Robert reunited with his wife Tin, and they finally started their married life together after months of LDR. And Joana and her family’s immigrant visas were approved after decades of waiting and praying for them. These are good news!

The funny thing about saying good bye

To be sad about people leaving is borderline selfish. And to be happy with their absence feels wrong too. On one hand you’re sad to see people go, and you know that life (as you know it) is never going to be the same again. On the other hand, you’re happy to see their prayers answered and their dreams come true before their eyes. 

So you find yourself in between two strong emotions that pull and tear your heart apart in two extremely opposite directions. It’s crazy, in a bipolar kind of way.

What I learned about saying good bye

As one who experienced a lot of moving around in her younger years, and went through a torturous long distance relationship, saying good bye to places and to people I love is the hardest. At one point I thought I’ve gotten used to saying good bye, but as I grow older, I often wish I would never go through that kind of pain ever again.

But things change. Time flies. People leave. That’s just the way it is. Change involves pain, and pain forces us to grow. It causes us to see situations with eternal eyes, and teaches us the art of letting God do His thing. It helps us loosen our grip off tangible things—people, places, routines; and causes us to embrace the more important things, the ones that last forever—friendships, memories, lessons learned, love that transcends space and time.

When we look at saying good bye that way, it’s not such a bad thing after all.

That tweet where my husband was talking to my growing pregnant belly—still melts my heart ’til now.

June 3 last year was as ordinary as any Sunday could be, and yet it was different because I was pregnant then and well.. I’m not pregnant anymore now (and won’t be pregnant for a while). Is it weird that I miss being pregnant sometimes? I really enjoyed the perks. ;) Like husband cooking breakfast (are you reading this, D? *hint!*), or us having pizza just because I craved for it.

That was a good day. And it’s good to be reminded, especially on days that are not exactly top of the charts. Once in a while, I would try to recall what I was doing exactly a year ago as an exercise on gratitude, appreciating how far God has brought me. With Timehop, I get to somehow do that everyday, at least based on the stuff I post on my social networks. 

And I know I’m starting to sound like I was commissioned to write this for them (I’m not), but I really hope that the folks behind Timehop are aware that they’re doing such an awesome thing.

It’s been a week since I turned 30 years old, you want to know how it feels? I’m a mix of everything—happy, excited, grateful, in awe like I still can’t believe I’m now past my 20s, a little anxious about the future, driven to work harder and be better, blessed beyond words can say.

Turning 30, you find yourself pondering upon questions like, Am I living the life I’ve always wanted? Where have all the years gone? Have I invested in the right things? Am I happy? What’s next?  True, you ask yourself these questions any given birthday anyway, but turning 30 kind of magnifies everything to a point where you end up feeling depressed (about what you didn’t have), or feeling like you’re on top of the clouds (for everything you have). Guess how I end up feeling? :)

My birthday celebration has never been more quiet and more low profile than this. And it has never been more childlike and more adult at the same time too. Lately I’ve been having some form of identity crisis: Pressured to act like, think like, and actually be an adult, whilst spending a lot of time singing Barney songs, being surrounded with dolls and toys, and acting silly to entertain our 7-month old twins.

That’s the story of my 30th birthday celebration. The theme was slumber party, where I spent the majority of the day in my PJs, keeping my heart from bursting into tiny pieces while playing and rolling in bed with my cute little dolls:

Tell me you didn’t just rotate your computer screen sideways. :P

 Mommy are you taking our pictures again?

 #bestillmyheart

There’s more of these photographs where it came from, but.. you get the picture, right? That’s my 30th birthday party in a nutshell, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Later in the evening my family came to have dinner with us, and we hung out in our tiny living room, around our darling twins like it’s their birthday. (I don’t mind at all.)

The truth is, I don’t think I accomplished a lot in my first 30 years. I don’t have a lot of things—not a big house, or a car, or a fat savings account. I may have seen a few cities outside this country, but I haven’t really gone places. I could spend hours processing my life, thinking about the things I wasn’t able to do before I turned 30, places I still haven’t seen, dreams that have yet to come true.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what didn’t happen. What matters is how God turned all my plans around and gave me these instead:

And how can I not feel so blessed and happy and rich when I have them? A husband I’m still so smitten about, two little girls who drive us crazy and fill this home with so much joy, a roof above our heads, food on our table, a warm bed to sleep at night.

You realize, even more when you turn 30, that the measure of happiness and fulfillment is not based on the material and financial things you acquired in your life, sometimes not even in the number of friends you have, but in the handful of people you journey this life with.

Now that, is a milestone worth celebrating.

God be praised and glorified in this life, always.

But how can I look at these pictures and not be cheesy and so overwhelmed with joy? Di nga? How?

Since last month, the girls have been learning to roll over and explore every corner of our bed even in their sleep. Lots of bed circus happening around here these days; my husband and I would wake up in the morning with their tiny arms and legs on our faces. That’s 2 sets of arms and legs ha, mind you.

We’re seeing a lot of personality even more now too. Dawn is obviously the more funny twin, while Rain is the more articulate one. The usual scenario is, Rain babytalks, and Dawn laughs. Or Rain smiles, and Dawn makes faces. They’ve also started interacting a lot more now. Sometimes we would catch them smiling at each other like they have secrets. It drives us nuts.

You know what’s really cool? Looking back and seeing how different this April was from last year’s. Last year I was dealing with morning sickness and getting used to pregnancy and sleeping a lot.

One year later.. and here we are. A-ma-zing.

x o x o

A month wouldn’t pass without quality time with loved ones and friends. April 2013 highlights two sets of cousins visiting from Australia, both from Bud’s side and mine—it was lovely catching up with Kuya Mitch and Ate Dots, and Jason and Neil. Joni & Mae spent time with the girls for the first time too, and I wonder when I will see them again *cough*. Ninong Dave and Ninang Nory, our disciplers, celebrated their birthdays. We spent a lot of time with our families in Caloocan and Las Pinas. And then there was our godson Ziki’s birthday celebration, a book party that my girlfriend Normi lovingly DIY-ed.

What a beautiful month April was, and now, May is about to end too! Funny when you start to think that this one month was the best month ever, and then the following month becomes even better. You know?

 Check out all my Instagram Monthly posts here.

It was the perfect way to soft-launch our little project: the dedication day of a dear friend’s beautiful baby girl, lots of pink, and less than 5 days to prepare. There’s something about cramming that excites me, you know? :)

Or maybe because, even though we only had a short time to prepare for this first event, the dream of starting this project (I’m still a little hesitant calling this a real “business”) has been brewing for a while now. All those nights pinning, dreaming, praying. I’ve always known that when the first opportunity comes, I’d take it. And I’m so glad I did.

I’ll be talking more about this new venture of ours in the next posts, but for now I’m just excited to put it out there that..

Sweet Dreams Candy & Dessert Buffets is officially on!

Here’s our little profile in Facebook:

Have some sweet treats for your next event! Each dessert buffet is uniquely styled according to your party’s theme, and comes with design details that are handcrafted with love. More than just a sugar feast, Sweet Dreams Candy & Dessert Buffets provides an eyecandy party centerpiece that your loved ones and friends won’t soon forget—and would look really pretty in pictures too! Birthdays, children’s parties, weddings or debuts, whatever your occasion is, we’d love to be part of it!

So.. for this month of May, we’d like to treat someone to a FREE candy buffet (50 pax) for whatever event of your choice. All you have to do is LIKE this post, LIKE Sweet Dreams Candy & Dessert Buffets on Facebook, and wait as we announce the winner before this month ends. Game?

Also, we’d like to give our first 3 customers a super special discounted rate. Yep, all those adjectives in one phrase, that’s got to be a good deal right? Feel free to message me and tell me what you need. Let’s talk. :)

When I took this photograph of them holding hands, and Dawn resting her head on Rain’s shoulder, all I could think about was how blessed they both are to have each other. An instant playmate, a sister, a best friend.

I remember growing up wanting to have a sister so badly. I grew up with two brothers, became a one-of-the-boys type of girl in high school with no permanent group of friends, and practically went through college without blockmates or a consistent barkada. Sure I have some friends in church, but I never officially considered anyone my “best friend”, save for my husband. I’m not complaining, really. (And I sure don’t mind saving the “best friend” title for my husband.) But maybe that’s why I’m a bit of a loner most times.

And then there’s Dawn & Rain, and it makes me so happy that they have each other their whole lives. They would never wish for a sister like I did, and they would never have to feel “alone” growing up like I did. Right from the moment they were conceived, to sharing the same bed and toys, to learning to grab each other’s hands, and soon when they start having real conversations (I can’t wait for this!).. they will always have each other.

How amazing is it that God thought of creating twins. Having twins, and maybe even being a twin, never really fascinated me until now. Seeing two of them, caring for two of them, stretching your heart to love both of them equally (not 50-50, but 100-100). It’s one of the most fascinating things in the world, and God happened to bless me with one! Mind. Blown.

They don’t know it yet, and it may be just coincidental that they grabbed each other’s hands in this photograph, but someday they’ll be so thankful that they have someone to hold on to, and a shoulder to lean on, every single day of their lives.

9/52, A Year of Dawn & Rain | Week of  April 21-27
Portraits of my children, once a week, every week in 2013

No doubt about it, a baby’s first year is delicately special—we see a lot of parents make it a point to celebrate this month by month. And really, there’s nothing over-the-top with that. In fact, with real stories about SIDS and other crucial developments in a baby’s life on his/her first year, every month is a milestone and every single day is a celebration in and of itself.

And so for our twins’ 6-month mark, we thought we’d celebrate a little extra special.

Cupcakes, cake, and lots of sugar.

Nothing big really. Just a dozen of us; me, my husband, our family, and both my husband’s and my cell groups, on the afternoon of April 24, in a small corner in church (it was a Sunday). We sang “half-y birthday to you”. We feasted on these yummy velvet and chocolate crumble cupcakes lovingly made by one of their fairy godmothers. We stuffed our mouths with candies, and marshmallows, and cookies. And when we’re full, we gave away cupcakes and treats to whoever’s around.

Dawn & Rain, our clueless celebrants, got a lot of hugs, and smiles, and love. I don’t know how they do it, but these two can really make an entire room squeal with delight! As they were surrounded by loved ones and friends that afternoon, I couldn’t help but think how much joy they bring, not just to us, but to everyone who is a witness to their tiny little lives for the past half-year.

Half a year? Already? I have to blink and pinch myself sometimes.

What can I say, God is good—to Dawn & Rain, to us. I keep saying I don’t know when I’ll get used to this new life God has blessed me with, maybe I never will. Everyday just.. brings out something new, something that makes me want to celebrate and do a little victory dance or maybe even throw a party.

And yes, you only get to sing half-y birthday once. Hope you don’t miss the chance. ;)

P.S. See that bunting garland? Their Daddy carved their names “Dawn & Rain” off rubber erasers to make those stamps. How adorable is that?

Every time we’re having a photo session, it feels like this—

Daddy & Mommy: Smile babies! Look here o! Smile!

Rain to Dawn: Hey, it’s your turn to smile!
Dawn: Ok! *smiles* 

Dawn to Rain: You’re turn!
Rain: Ok! *smiles*

Haha. Oh well. We’re having too much fun anyway—being silly and inventing words (“a-goo-goo-goo” is a favorite) and clicking on our camera non-stop while they chuckle and grab each other’s arms and legs. Later on we realize that we’re not able to capture both of them smiling in one frame, and all we have are hundreds of photographs just like the ones above.

Ohh the joy of having to make two babies smile. At the same time.

You can just imagine.

8/52, A Year of Dawn & Rain | Week of  April 14-20
Portraits of my children, once a week, every week in 2013

These two girls are so in love with their Daddy! (That makes 3 of us.)

These photos were from last month (week of April 7 to 13); I’m obviously under a pile of photos I haven’t had the time to organize yet. Dawn & Rain are growing significantly bigger week on week. Sometimes we would review their photo timeline and see how much chubbier and cuter they’ve grown from their first weeks.

Soon they’ll be crawling, and then they’ll be running, and then they’ll be entertaining suitors. (Too far?) In the meantime, I think Daddy’s enjoying being the one and only apple of their eyes.

7/52, A Year of Dawn & Rain | Week of April 7-13
Portraits of my children, once a week, every week in 2013