Someone please give me an excuse to go back and see New York again.

So yeah, it was just for a moment, when you and Mae disappeared around the corner, and it dawned on me how I didn’t even know when I’d see you two again next, that I started wiping away a batch of tears. (These Filipinas, what a bunch of crybabies, LOL.)

But heyy, it’s your birthday today, and I’m posting this photo of us because I kinda like how happy you looked here, headset and all. I still remember how happy you were when this photo was taken. We were at a friend’s wedding and you were running here and there keeping everything together. I’ve never seen your eyes twinkle the way they do when you’re coordinating events and weddings, and I really believe in my heart that someday, you’ll get to do that again. :)

So don’t be too sad now, okay? Think Jeremiah 29:11 when you feel like you’re starting to lose it. You may not be a-phonecall-and-30-minutes away from me anymore, but I kinda feel like we won’t have to be too far apart for too long. (Destination New York?) ;)

Happy birthday, Ivy! I thank God for letting me be a part of your life, and you a part of mine.

Love always,
Riz

The past weekend was life-changing. I got to unwind and chillax with the bestest best friends in the world, and we parted knowing that things are never gonna be the same again in a melodramatic but exciting sort of way. What a way to start summer, yeah? :) (And what a way to start another chapter in our lives.)

Gone are my dark and twisted days. I think I’m starting to fall in love with life again. :)

Sadly, this photograph was the closest I’ve ever been out-of-the-country last year. I was off to Bangkok with Joni and Romela but as we checked our bags in, I came face-to-face with one of the most devastating news in all my history of travel: Sorry Miss, we can’t let you fly out, so go home and start unpacking your clothes. My passport was expiring in 5 months and 3 weeks that time, and okaaay, I kinda knew that it was expiring, but I wasn’t aware that the 6-month rule applies to Asian countries too.

Dude. I know. At least I got to experience the airport huh.

Prior to that failed Bangkok flight, I missed a Hong Kong trip with Mae and Joni (why hello Joni, it’s you again) because *cough* I happened to have acquired a disease that was too sensationalized I was sent off to solitary confinement for 2 weeks, I mean, come on, universe, are you serious?, there are 365 days in a year and you chose this weekend of all weekends for me to come down with The Flu, how freaky coincidental is that? *cough*

There were more missed flights, but those two I mentioned were the best ones. (Or worst ones, whatever.)

Cruel. Cruel was the year 2009. It’s one of those years you don’t ever want to replay over because you don’t want to be reminded of all those wasted plane tickets.

Hence I made it my personal goal to make things right this year. Chase dreams. Fly. See places. Be a ridiculously happy traveler. Fall in love in a foreign place. Fall in love with a foreign place. Get lost in a foreign place.

Oh, and NOT waste a single plane ticket again, EVER.

And hey, I know there will always be circumstances I won’t have control over, but I also know that I’m one year older and wiser now. You see, it’s just not possible to come out of a year like 2009 and not be a better person — hats off to God for making awesome things out of, well, years like 2009. And given that I’m, I believe, *ehem* a better version of myself now, I’m pretty confident that I have better judgment and wisdom to know which tickets to invest in and which are not worth wasting time and money over. (Send in your truckloads of grace, Lord. Bring it on!)

Brighter days ahead, I can see it now. This year is going to be great.

And yes, I’m really just talking about plane tickets, okay, gimme a break. c”,)

1) Welcoming my beautiful nephew Robert Isaac to the family.

2) That he gets to inherit our Dad’s name, Robert, that even if he didn’t get to meet him anymore, a part of his Lolo lives in him.

3) How “Tita Riz” seems to just roll off the tongue, I can imagine little Isaac soon saying my name and tugging on my skirt. “Tita Riz, I want ice cream.” “Tita Riz, let’s go to the zoo.” “Tita Riz, I wanna play plants and zombiess!” (Just you wait, kid, your Tita Riz will spoil you like crazy. And well, I’ll leave the disciplining to your Mom, Dad and Lola, haha.)

4) That he’s got all of us wrapped around his cute little finger without knowing it. He cries and everyone in the room panics, figuring out what he needs. He sleeps and we all silently stare at him like lovestruck puppies. He blinks and we all go “awww” with tiny hearts in our eyes. It’s kuh-rayy-zee what babies can do, when they’re not even doing anything at all!

5) That I got to take their first family picture, and that I was able to preserve love in a photograph. Definitely one for keeps. <3

6) That I’ve witnessed (over again) with my own eyes this beautiful thing called motherly love, something we often fail to appreciate because mothers are always there anyway. I can still picture in my head the look in Ate Imy’s face as she admires her son, and the twinkle in my Mom’s eyes everytime she speaks of her grandson. Priceless.

7) Finally, I love days when, not expecting anything, something beautiful happens (or someone comes along) and your life is never the same. Such is this week in the Sanchez home. <3

And so I pray for a life that’s full of days like these. Dear Lord, that’s all I ask today.

Someone’s getting her sunshine back. :) (God is amazing, what can I say?)

* * *

Later, I spent the night with a bunch of (not so) “lonely” friends. But that’s a totally different story altogether. How about you? How did you spend your Valentines? :)

(But okay, I’m lying, I do know a thing or two about applying make-up, I kinda enjoy coloring my face with it, and I do know that Urban Decay has got the best eyeshadow palettes out there. As a matter of fact, I’ve been using UD’s Sustainable Shadow Box as my daily ’shadow for months now and it has not failed me EVER. And now I’m just happy to give that good ol’ thing a break, Alice saves the day.)

So I’ll just take photos instead. Because Alice is pretty. And these are the kinda stuff I’d like to adorn my blog with.

Also, I know that I’m one of the few lucky ones in Manila who get to have Alice ahead of everyone else, so yeah, this is just me making you girls die of envy. *insert evil grin here*

OAN, if you want real, credible, useful reviews and swatches, head over to Liz and Lauren’s blogs, they’re actually the ones responsible for my ongoing love affair with Alice in Wonderland. (Thank you, ladies, for inviting me and Mara to order with you.)

• Review & Swatches: Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland Book of Shadows by Lauren
• Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland by Liz

Now please please please take me out to coffee so I get an excuse to leave the house and wear make-up.

There are no further words.

Philip Yancey hit the nail hard in the head with this email (emphasis mine):

It is my firm belief and personal experience that God does not want us to turn into automatons when we decide to follow him. I believe God wants us to come to him with our whole heart, soul and mind, not leaving anything of ourselves stuffed in a closet or relegated to the back shelf. Therefore, we will bring the struggles of our will vs. his will to the relationship with God, just as in any other relationship. I can think of numerous examples in the Bible where this was true, and the person involved was disappointed but chose to accept God’s will over his own. Think of Paul and his thorn in the flesh. Or of David, longing and pleading for his and Bathsheba’s son not to die. Or Abraham and Sarah wanting a child before they were old and gray. We can go on on and on with the examples of deferred gratification in favor of God’s best. The best response to your question is to recommend the book of Psalms: it’s full of disappointment, even anger, yet has been the believers’ prayer book through the centuries. That says it well, I think.

~ Philip Yancey, in his answer to Anjie’s email. Via Godspotted. Thanks, Ate Stef for sharing this.

Over and over again I come face to face with the undeniable truth that trusting God means being ready for whatever His will is, whether it’s exactly as you prayed for or something totally the opposite.

It’s a recurring lesson we have to keep learning. And I’m really just thankful that we have a patient God who doesn’t mind us crying and whining and asking Him questions, until we find ourselves on our knees, in complete surrender, fully convinced that there really is no other place we’d rather be but right where He wants us to be.

So hey, I’m not saying I’m glad my disappointments are justified. I’m saying I thank God that His ways are higher than our ways, that He allows us to break sometimes, but that no amount of disappointment or heartache can ever bend His sovereign will in our lives.

Exhibit A. Sometime in 2006, I had to avoid Greenbelt for one whole year because I had to forget a college boyfriend. Typical, I know, but effective nonetheless. Exhibit B. In 2007 when my Dad died, I had to avoid being in his office for a couple of months because it’s impossible to be there and not cry over the reality that we’re never going to see him there ever again. Exhibit C. In my last day in New York in 2008, I had to ask the cab driver to pass by 34th street on the way to the airport. Just one last ride through my most favorite spots in Manhattan, I thought, because I knew that after that ride I would start to forget. And that time I didn’t want to forget just yet.

In the past 5 years that I lived in Ortigas, Pasig, my moving from one apartment to another was characterized by some huge transition in my life — my Dad’s death, that big career move, a relationship that ended badly, etc — as if it’s become a coping mechanism of sorts. Consciously or unconsciously, I wasn’t quite sure. I just know that for me to be able to transition, I had to start over in a new place, akin to flipping a fresh new page in a notebook.

Six is the number of apartments here in Pasig that I moved in and out of in the span of 5 years. Anyone can beat that record? If moving is a degree in college, it would’ve been time for me to graduate by now. But I guess it’s not time to graduate from this moving around just yet.

In all this apartment-hopping, Delgado Place was where I stayed the longest. Not only was this low-rise condominium the prettiest and the most secured I’ve ever lived in, it’s also the one place that actually felt like second home to me. The guards and caretakers have become an extended family. “Adobo To”, that karinderya (eatery) across the street, has become my most favorite lunch hangout.

I loved living here. I honestly believed I would stay longer, that this was going to be my last stop, but hey, life’s funny that way. Often, the things you thought you were so sure of, you find out later, are just mere phases in your life. Nothing is certain, I learn over and over, so you’ll have to be ready to pack-up, leave the unnecessary baggage behind and go when God says it’s time to go.

Tomorrow I make my 7th move. I have been feeling sentimental about it the past two weeks, boxing up everything in this room that once made it feel like home. But I’m almost ready, and excited to make new memories in the next city I’m going to conquer.

“..and with that, we say goodbye to Delgado Place,” Mae tweeted after she & Joni spent one last night here in Delgado with me. Glad to know I’m not the only one sad to leave this place behind.

So yeah. Thank you, Delgado Place, I just had to say (and blog). It was lovely spending 2008 and 2009 under your roof.