Two, three years ago, I made a firm declaration in front of some friends that I was never going to leave the Philippines in this lifetime. That’s not to say that I don’t want to travel and explore the world, I do, I’d love to travel as much as my resources would allow me, but leaving Pinas for good to settle somewhere else was, to me, non-negotiable.

And then New York happened in this life of mine. Shortly after, Sydney.

That’s me with my cousin Dots and my godson, Jonah,
on a hill overlooking the Sydney Harbor. November, 2008.

Just now I came across this post Ala Paredes wrote on her tumblr:

In the mornings, when I join the mad rush of people commuting to work, and I’ve been on the train for an hour on my long journey from Western Sydney to the North, I feel uplifted when my train makes its slow crawl across the Harbour Bridge as if it were holding it’s breath.

I see the metropolitan sprawl beneath me, see the Opera House, the ships coming in, and wide expanse of sparkling blue ocean kissing the horizon and think,” Wow, I live and work in this city. You’ve come a long way from day one, baby”.

..and I can’t help but siiiigh and wish I could write the same expression of love. I fell in love with Sydney when I was there in 2008. (New York was a very close second, ‘just thought I’d add.) And I can imagine how it’s like, that morning that Ala so eloquently described, walking around Circular Quay and seeing the Opera House as part of a normal day and not just some touristy thing to do.

I just.. sigh.. I want to live in a city I’m in love with and constantly falling in love with. And no, please don’t look at me like I’m betraying my own country. I don’t like feeling like this, too. I wish I’m not struggling choosing between loyalty to this city God placed me in and the curiosity that maybe He planted this aching desire in my heart and I’ve got to at least do something to pursue it.. It’s a daily struggle that’s tearing me apart every single day.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way. /rant

Ahh, there are a lot of things, but this is definitely at the top of my list: Take lots and lots of Polaroids, something that Andrew Faris did back in 2003, and what was later on called the New York Polaroid Project.

I think I’m gonna dream of Polaroids and New York in technicolor tonight. <3

Anyway.. I managed to score 10 packs of One600 Polaroid films back in December after a loooong and winding quest to find suppliers here in Manila (which was, for the record, a failure, because we’re in a third world country and life’s not fair like that) and after finally succumbing to the fact that ordering from Ebay was the only way to go. So yeah, given that that acquisition cost me an arm and a leg, I’ve only used up 3 packs of Polaroid films so far, sparing the rest from impulsive, trigger happy shots and keeping them in the top shelf away from my itching hands.

I can’t wait to use up my remaining stock of Polaroids the way Andrew Farris did. Surely, New York (and Sydney) is worth saving up these overpriced boxes of expired films for.

(Via Design Vagabond)

So I accidentally-on-purpose found this old photo of Time Square I took in 2008 with my Holga, and oh my wow, I just.. meh, I feel like my love affair with New York was cut too short I have to go back and pick up where we left off or else I’d spend my entire life counting whys and what-ifs.

I mean, come on. The signs are everywhere.

You see, I’ve been watching movies lately. Last full shows. By myself. And if you must ask, it’s not that I don’t have friends to watch movies with, I do have friends okay, it’s just that I recently discovered that it’s actually fun and therapeutic to watch movies alone. For one, I get to freely choose how I want my popcorn and have it all to myself (sour cream with extra salt, please). Secondly, I get to pick which movie to watch without the fear of being judged for my preference (something chick flick which doesn’t require too much thinking, please).

So it’s my third movie date with myself tonight. The last two movies I watched were Remember Me, and When In Rome, because they’re kindof the only chick flicks in the list and the other options were either way too comedy or way too serious for my taste.

I really don’t want to discuss in length how I thought Remember Me was too depressing to be watched alone, and how confusing it was to see Edward Cullen, James Bond, and Ellis Grey all together in one film; or how so-so When In Rome was, and how the only interesting part of it was the fact that some scenes in the movie were shot in Rome (you’d think, with that title, that the entire film took place in Rome, but no!)

I’m going to say my point now, people, sorry for talking way too much.

What I’m saying is.. What really made my heart leap in both movies was how they brought me back to New York and wooed me with beautiful moving images of Manhattan, Times Square, Central Park, Staten Island ferry, Brooklyn bridge, those yellow NYC taxi cabs, pigeons flying all over the place, and almost-empty subway stations, so much that it starts to feel like there’s this void in my heart that only New York can fill.

It’s a sign, you see. These movies — they are signs. I am bound for New York again, I know it. I just don’t know exactly how in the Universe it’s going to happen and when, but I am so going to be back there, the signs are just too obvious.

(And no, please don’t point out how stupid it is, and blasphemous, to consider these chick flicks as the Universe’ way of revealing to me my future. Of course I’m aware of the absurdity of that.) :P

New York, care free days, and blue skies.

Someone please give me an excuse to go back and see New York again.

Summer is here, I can hear Donna Summer singing in the background again.

The past weekend was life-changing. I got to unwind and chillax with the bestest best friends in the world, and we parted knowing that things are never gonna be the same again in a melodramatic but exciting sort of way. What a way to start summer, yeah? :) (And what a way to start another chapter in our lives.)

Gone are my dark and twisted days. I think I’m starting to fall in love with life again. :)