Marking this experience in this blog, before it becomes a distant memory.
My room of “deliverance”, for everything that word means.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.”
Whoever said that child birth is such a beautiful experience has placed the expectations up too high. In my experience, the only moment that was beautiful about it was when I heard Dawn & Rain’s first cries—Rain first, and 2 minutes later, Dawn. The rest of it was like a nightmare (or a bad horror movie!) that I just wanted over and done with, and now I’m glad was over.
What should have been my weekly OB check-up led to an emergency confinement starting Saturday, October 20. I was having contractions and my cervix was open 2 cm. My belly was so huge I could hardly breathe. I was only on my 34th week then so I had to stop contracting (it wasn’t time!), and the babies needed steroids for lung development in case I needed to go into c-section earlier than expected.
Which is exactly what happened. As soon as I reached my 35th week, my OB decided it was show time.
And hey, which part of the whole delivery experience was beautiful again?
It was bloody, scary, painful, uncomfortable. I felt like a frog being dissected like a Science experiment. The epidural, the scalpels, the doctors in scrubs, the smell of blood and alcohol, the numbing sensation from the anesthesia—it was the scariest ride of my life!
But then there was that moment, when I finally heard Dawn and Rain breathe their first breaths. Tiny little cries filled the room two minutes apart at 12:06AM and 12:08AM of October 24. Now that was the most beautiful thing—perhaps the only beautiful thing—about this childbirth. My babies, whose moves I knew so well when they were inside of me.. I actually heard them cry for the first time! Love and relief overflowed within me, and I guess this is one of those moments mothers can say, “it was all worth it.”
Needless to say, there were a lot of tears when I was finally able to carry Dawn in my arms, and when Rain first held on to my finger.
They’re sooo beautiful.
I was finally discharged from the hospital 4 days after, but Dawn & Rain have to stay in their incubators. Rain came out 4.6 lbs and Dawn, 4.9 lbs. That’s a good weight for twins, but they still came out 2 weeks short so they had to stay incubated.
The good thing about it was, I was able to recover a bit before I finally attacked the world of motherhood. First few days back home was a challenge; I felt weak, and tired, and the wound was just too painful! I can’t imagine being able to take care of two babies like that. Learning to stand on my own took some time, too. Family and friends came in and out of the house to bring us food in microwavable containers and to help us with our laundry and stuff. Bud got us hooked on Skype so his family in New York could easily check up on us.
Shortly after, on October 31, Dawn and Rain finally came home.
God and His grand scheme of things, what can I say? Praise God for His perfect timing, and for being Who He says He is. When I thought I wasn’t prepared enough, He filled in the gap. When I couldn’t stand on my own, He gave me hands to hold on to. When I was held in solitary confinement at the hospital, away from my husband and my family, He was the one who was with me every step of the way.
My birthing experience may not be my most favorite experience in the world, but having Dawn & Rain now sure makes all the pain, and the marks, and the torture, worth it.