Chasing Dreams

+ I hate it when I struggle for days trying to gather my thoughts and translate them into words and sentences, and then later on, reading about what’s going on in my head in other people’s blogs. YouknowwhatI’msaying? On the upside, now I only have to link to them and exclaim, “that’s what I thought!”

+ I was reading Ala Parades’ tumblr post, Let The Right One In, and this one word came to my mind as I finished reading: Ahhh, VINDICATION. I mean, sure, Ala’s just another girl, and one can always say that this may not be the case for everyone, but it made me sigh in relief to know that hey, I’m not alone in wanting to feel needed. I’m not psycho, hooray! Admittedly though, (unlike Mae), I’m kind of the extreme version of that type of girl. The kind who, when in a relationship, lets the other person in too much too soon that she loses herself early in the process. Sure, I can take care of myself, I can easily adapt to whatever comes my way, and I have countless of dreams up my sleeve that I thought I can do without any help from anyone, more so from a potential boyfriend. But once in a relationship, I easily lose my grip on these things, carelessly let my guard down and just totally lose myself to the other person, which sucks, because when I start to realize that the other person does not really need me the same way, or that we’re not in the same page after all, then I start needing more, and well, everything’s just downhill from there.

I think I figured out what’s wrong in the equation. It’s not wrong to want to feel needed, or to expect your partner to need you in his life, or to lose yourself in him — those are, in fact, essential in relationships. I think what I missed out on is knowing/meeting/finding the right person to let in, the operative word being “right”, because letting one wrong person after another in is no good either.

+ I wish I have Ate Stef’s courage, sharing her breakup experience like that. I remember blogging something similar way back in 2007, and well, things like this amaze me. How easy it is to connect with people who share the same experience, and sometimes even with your 23-year old self. Break-ups may be ugly (I hate them, I don’t ever want to feel that sadness ever again) but, just as I blogged 3 years ago, I still believe that going through a break-up is one of the most (if not the most) liberating, life-altering experiences one can ever go through. It comes with the simple fact that when God allows something to end, it’s only because something else is bound to begin. And that’s kinda the part I love about break-ups. And whut, did I just use “love” and “break-up” all in one sentence?

+ My brother cooked his specialty Chicken Enchilada Sunday night and gee, as I munched on a plateful of that yummy stuff, I kept thinking, where did my brother learn to cook like that? Sure, he must have inherited his cooking instincts from my mother and my grandmother, who are awesome cooks by the way, but ohhh how I feel cheated! I mean, I’m the only girl among the siblings, and I seriously believe that I should be the rightful inheritor of any of their culinary skills, not my brother! I’m sometimes disappointed with the stagnancy of this life, I feel like I’m not getting anywhere! My friend Trisha, who’s in Sydney, used to just blog about random, girly, PMS-y stuff like I do, but now, her escapades to the culinary world are just WHOA. It’s awesome how her blog, Sugarlace.com in case you missed the link, has become a venue for some serious honest-to-goodness domestication. And I, meanwhile, am still blogging about nonsensical emo stuff. I am so envious. I have got to find something I can excel in. Maybe not cooking, but something. Anything!